Manic Monday

i sit here waiting my turn at the car wash. my car needs a good cleaning, hose down all the salt and other crud on the sides. i sit here thinking about my last post. the successes and the unchanged. i do the dangerous thing, think and over think. maybe i am just tired and cranky... maybe i just need to just get away from work, finances, social engagements, and other things. maybe i am just getting jaded and frustrated. maybe i just need take a couple days off to take care of some items on my to do list i have been neglecting.
on my list:
-schedule appointment with doctor: long overdue
-clean house: long overdue, but not as pressing if i dont have visitors to show off my place
-take down christmas decorations: ehh, it has been up longer before
-organize a game night: something want to do but want to take of above items before this
-do taxes: normally a last minute filer, but may want to do them now to get refund... which i should be getting.
-look into refinancing my house and maybe even my car: could do better financially
-look into getting a part-time job: extra income is always good, keep me busy and wrapped up in something else, puts me out there to meet new people.
-get myself in a regular exercise routine again.

carwash is almost done. time to head home and get some dinner.

Since then...

Since my last regular blogs:

THE NEW:
-Went Skydiving: had a blast!
-Bought a Townhouse: Great to be a home owner, but expensive.
-Picked up gardening: Created several flowerbeds and a made a rock garden featuring a 110 pound lava Rock: A lot of hard work, but well worth it.
-Lost a group of friends: Its probably for the best.
-Gained even better group of friends: It is the Best!
-Did 3 polar bear plunges: Raised over $1000 for a great cause and had a lot of fun in the process.
-Played a season of Dodgeball, Kickball and 3 seasons of Bowling: Not done with leagues yet!
-Went innertubing down a river in Harpers Ferry: So relaxing, such a great day it was!
-Took an amazing trip to Denmark (and a day in Sweden) for close to 2 weeks: Saw and experienced a country I MUST visit again.
-Did Karaoke the second and third time in my life: the second time went well and well-received, the third time was umm... not as much. But still fun times.
-Made some good strides at work for the community: Getting jaded, but still moving forward.
-Became a certified Basic First Aid/ Child, Adult, Infant Instructor: Wanted to become one for a long time, now I have and certified over a hundred thus far.
-Went to my first vineyards: Developing a better taste for wine now.
-Went to my first drive-in movie: A triple feature... can't wait to go again!
-Became more active socially: More regular with different people.

THE SAME:
-Despite the successes and new experiences, my mood, my confidence and my feelings have not changed much (made a lot of great steps, but still ways to go): baby steps still.
>I am still incredibly reserved, yet I have opened up a lot, thanks to facebook and better key people in friends.
>I feel conflicted internally with different people, worried about mixing different groups of people and have difficulties coordinating social functions.
>Fearing what people think and worrying about people getting sick of me, still dreadfully haunts me.
>Day-by-day is still unpredictable, in terms of moods. One day I am more confident, open and outgoing, other days I am struggling to get words out to add meaning to a conversation. Some days I feel like I am on top of the world for no reason, other days I just want to be a bump on the log.
>Relationshipwise- There are some great people in my life, some with some interesting "potential", but right now, I am feeling better off single and alone. Not that it is a bad thing. At times I just don't know what I really want.

Steps in the right direction and on the right path, just ways to go.