I adore my cat... he is unique, he is a neat and he thinks he is a dog. Maybe it is because I have wanted my own dog and deep down inside he wanted to please me. Or maybe he is just a transex...I mean transanimal. But that is our little secret.... I don't want him to appear on Jerry Springer. Jerry can easily has fun with him, especially if he has been neutered, so he is actually not a "he" nor is he a "she". Anyways, I am going to keep him a secret... I have been trying to raise him as a pacifist so I don't want any potential for a fight between him and that pregnant teenage prostitute who is love with their girlfriend's boyfriend's third cousin's gay cross-dressing three-legged Egyptian Minx. That is what I would call a catfight. Okay, that is beside the point. Here are several reasons I believe he is a dog in a cat's disguise:
· He plays fetch. No I am not talking about me throwing it and he watches me like the moron I am to retrieve it... I mean, he actually plays fetch. I throw a toy, he chases it and comes back and drops it waiting for me to throw it again! It is not fluke, he will do it till the cows come home!
· He plays hide and seek. Okay, that might actually be more above and beyond a dog's brain-power, so maybe he is actually a very hairy baby... or perhaps a very miniature bigfoot in disguise. But he will play that game with me. I would hide as he sits there and counts to...umm... never figured how high he counts... but after I am in my hiding spot, he would look for me. He would meow this weirdest noise as he tries to lure me out of my spot... but noooo, I am too smart for that. I want to play hide and seek, not Marco Polo!
· He likes to dig. You know how a dog wants to bury his bone... well, my cat wants to bury his food too, when he is done... not only that, he wants to bury his crap, his reflection in the mirror. I never could figure out why he tries to bury the mirror... he would jump up on top of the bathroom sink, get on his back paws to stretch up to the mirror and scratch at it. Perhaps, he is just curious to why I look in the mirror all the time. Before you even think about thinking about why I do it myself, I shave! Gosh, some people have the trashiest imagination. Anyways, I would get out of the shower and he would wait for me at the sink... as I put on the shaving cream (on me, not him!) he would be fascinated with the mirror and scratch at it. Weird!
· He is a peeping tom. Just like dogs, where they will stick their noses in the most awkward of places, he does that too. Just like he did for the 43525435432 time this morning, he was spying on me in the shower! I am okay with that... as a good "parent" should be, I will support him for whatever he prefers. But I will say, that hot female cat in the apartment below me will be disappointed. So he is a curious cat peeping on my pee-pee in the shower.
· He waits for me by the door when I leave and when I come home. Umm... I feel so special to have someone to greet me at the door. He has the intuition to know when I am getting ready to leave; he would go by the door and sit there... I know what you are thinking, he is indeed pulling that guilt trip on me... looking at me with his sad green eyes and make me late for work each day! He must know my footsteps because he always knows it is me when I open the door...otherwise he is under the bed enjoying his dog days of the summ...winter.
· He likes road trips. Okay, I think he is getting tired of the road trips now, but I always take him to my parent's house when I go do my laundry... oops... I mean when I go home to see them. He would sit on my lap and look out the window; sometimes he would jump to the back seat and ask in this ever so soft annoying voice..."Meuuuuuew? Meeuuuuew?" For those of you who have not studied the language... that translate to: "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
· He scares the hell outta big dogs and partners up with medium sized dogs. Ok, my parents have two dogs, both the same breed but two different sizes… the medium sized dog is the eldest and gets along well with my cat… hey, she even gives my cat a kiss when he walks in…. the larger dog is terrified of my cat. I mean she cowards behind my dad and searches on MapQuest for the longest route to avoid my cat. I gotta tell you, I am awfully proud of my cat *wipes the tear out of my eye* for dispelling the myth: Go pick on someone your own size… he refuses to and picks on someone twice his size.
As you can see, from the cold hard facts presented to you today, he is a dream come true to this dog-lover trapped in an apartment with too unpredictable a schedule to have a dog. I tell ya, I am awfully proud of my lil panther!
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2 comments:
K: Sounds like you have your hands full with cat-versions of "Pink and the Brain". They sound like great companions!
My panther has a pure black, shiny, short fur, which will cloak him in the dark, showing only two wicked green eyes stalking your every little movement.
Anyways, after buying him thousands of "made-for-cat" toys; let the truth be told he LOVES the things we throw away all the time... twisties and the pull-off milk jug plastic tabs.
Twisties: you know those annoying things used to keep cables/cords/ wire together the first time, but then after that, you are out of luck unless you have a contraption to get the cables condensed to the same size it was packed?
Milk-jug-plastic tabs: Not the cap itself, nor the ring-type whic could be used as a finger torture device with those sharp inward spikes, but the one that peels off the first time you buy the milk.
That's weird. I just read a post on Tara's blog a few minutes ago where she was talking about how her cat thought she was a dog also.
Michele sent me to see you!
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